you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dont even know how to be here
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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