He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
