In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
