that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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