Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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