Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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