my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
