What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
