People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
