are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
