areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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