im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
