Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
