If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
