Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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