dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
