So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
