You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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