i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
