I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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