My brain says no but my pants say off.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
