this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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