: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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