Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i out mim tonsoeep
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
