How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
