He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
