You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
