The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
