the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
