I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
