Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
