oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
