I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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