Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
