i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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