kristin has been a bad kristin
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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