hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
