I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
