u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
