i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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