hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bring money and cleavage
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
