Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
