what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
