after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
