did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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