Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
