i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize