STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
