This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
