Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
