Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
