how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
