All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
