I smell stomach acid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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