weddingsv make me drug and hornr
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
