dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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