chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
