can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
