I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
