hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
