I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's shark week go big or go home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
