They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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