sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize