They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
