i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
