Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
