it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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