I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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