I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
