I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
