I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
