Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
