And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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