Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
