If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
