i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
