so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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