im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
