if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
