Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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