You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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