If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
