i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize