i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
