all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
