I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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