everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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